ain’t really deep thoughts

No, she’s not Tori Amos.

Not almost…. maybe…

But she’s a hell of a pianist, and a great artist for that matter.

It’s a good thing that we have an ISHA here in the Philippines. I need not to fantasize anymore of witnessing tori perform live and feel frustrated right after. Wait! No. I still yearn to see tori making love to her piano and scream and croon out of pain, frustration or pure bliss.

ISHA. No, she’s not a Tori Amos copycat. She’s a girl-and-piano of her own making, although she professes that she is a toriphile herself. She does Tori covers in her gigs. Leather seems to be her favorite Tori classic, because it is always present in her repertoire. But last night at Mag:Net, she did the unexpected. She covered my all time favorite Tori song - Tear In Your Hand. Well, it ain’t as good as the original. Isha jazzed it up a little and she did it just fine. But it was the last song that really plucked my heart’s strings. Her cover of Indigo Girls’ Ghost was breathtaking, and i must say even far better than the original. It was the perfect swan song that night.

I wish you all the best ISHA. I would be so so happy to see you making it BIG in the future.

i always feel embarassed when i detect flaws with my grammar, particularly on my writings. I reread my blog entries and i almost fell facedown when i stumbled upon few rocky grammatical errors. I proof read those past entries several times before posting them, i swear, and found not a single mistake. but just few minutes ago, they were like big balls of fire blaring on the monitor of my PC.

Now am blushing with emabrassment.

wait… i might HAS OVERLOOKS several ERROR, hmmm….

certain things are not meant to be feasted by the public eye. but since the advent of blog, beaming a beacon of light on some little pieces of one’s private self in exchange of being popular and famous seems worth the bargain. so many are enticed.

some ordinary people who are gifted with words became instant celebrities. people who have the uncanny skills with graphic arts are beheld with awe and envy. people with extraordinary guts for spilling too much details - for weaving facts with surrealism - are either regarded as demigods or (kulang sa pansin) KSPs. Even real celebrities themselves joined the bandwagon. Maybe, for fear that ordinary people like us would overshadow their popularity. hehe…

but how much of one’s private niche should be opened for a peek that one wouldn’t feel invaded?

in my case, my virtual habitat will only reveal either my ain’t really deep thoughts or some obscure realities i am going through.

i am a too private fellow to go into details…

some things are best left unsaid.

surprises. they all come knocking at your door unexpectedly. most aren’t even too polite to use the doorbell. they just simply barge in right through your niche you call mediocre-routinary-everyday life.

but grand suprises. ahhh…. they’re the one’s that shock you sane. they cheer you up, that you put on a smile of a fool, who use to dream of impossibilities. they grow wings out of your feet that you soar far beyond cloud nine.

i just love surprises.

grand surprises - i hope they will come often.

Thy cloud drizzles love
Upon my fragile heart
Tenderly it salves
Like a maestro does his art.

But thy cloud turned gray too soon
Lonesome, my heart lets out a croon
Thy dark cloud poured forth rain
Flooding my heart with pain.

i am a sucker of good quotes. be it from books, magazines, films, songs, articles, interviews or even from a friend’s mouth. some i have noted down. some i saved in my mobile’s memory space. some were engraved in my can-not-be-trusted memory. some have been forgotten and erased. but here are some of my favorites…

“they say that love is touching souls
surely you touched mine
because a part of you
pours out of me
in these lines from time to time…

… you are in my blood like holy wine
you taste so bitter
you taste so sweet
i could drink a case of you
but i would still be on my feet”

– A Case of You / Joni Mitchell

“if i was not so weak
if i was not so cold
if iwas not so scared
of being broken
growing old
i would be frail”

– Frail / Jars of Clay

“When stars have all gone out
You’d still be burning so bright”

– Answer / Sarah McLachlan

“I think that when we look for love courageously ,
it reveals itself and we wind up attracting even
more love. If one person really wants us, everyone
does. But if we’re alone, we even become more
alone.”

– The Secret Life of Bees / Sophie Monk Kidd

“We can never judge the lives of others because
each person only knows their own pain and renunciation.
It’s one thing to feel that your on the right path path,
but it’s another to thinks that yours is the only path”

– Kahlil Gibran

” Youth is not a time of life, it is a state of mind.
It is not a matter of rosy cheeks, red lips and
supple knees. It is a matter of the will, a quality
of imagination, a vigor of the emotions. You are
only as young as your faith, as old as your doubt;
as young as your self-confidence, as old as your fear;
as old as your despair.”

– Samuel Ullman

pilgrims, that is what we all are
always on the move
always chasing dreams after dreams
restless
boundless
insatiable to the taste of success and glory

how many more walks are there to tread?
how many more truths should be revealed?
how many beloveds should be left amissed?

… that one can finally find a niche and call it HOME.

i am sorely missing a dearest friend

after working with utmost dedication for 5 bloody years in a firm you think will safeguard your future, i felt ENSLAVED, and that PISSED the hell out of me. Big freaking time.

i am frustrated.

i am disapointed.

i am depressed.

above all i am just PISSED!

and i don’t give a shit if i am reasonable in venting out my angsts.

promotion should be an overwhelming blissful experience. a nirvana. ha! unfortunately, for me and a bunch of promising employees, the experience was like being trapped - no - condemned to the pits of Hades. The congratulatory greetings from my officemates seem like faint echoes; the title earned comparable to a fake China; and the salary increase, the benefits are like alms given to a beggar with a hesitant heart.

i feel like a second best. inferior. a loser. and this negative vibe is eating me up.

i’m pissed for being naive. i’m pissed fo being helpless. i’m pissed for being born a bourgeoisie in a third world country that i have to compete and continuously prove my worth to these cultured crooks.

positivity, that ain’t my thing as of the moment. to wallow in being pissed seems the best option i’ve got now.